WILL THAULT: The Unforgiven

No. This isn’t a movie review for a 30-year-old Clint Eastwood Western. It’s about
searching for the root cause of a bipolar Nation that seems to be on the verge of a nervous
breakdown.

Anger, hatred, resentment, envy, jealousy, pride, name-calling, tribal mentality, half-
truths, demonization and all the –nesses: vindictiveness, close-mindedness, self-
righteousness, bitterness, divisiveness. There’s only one –ness missing: Forgiveness.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a
constant attitude.”

In today’s confrontational, contentious society, we seem far removed from even an
occasional act of forgiveness, so we find ourselves living in a Country of the Unforgiven.
Not only has this attitude taken its toll on America and the ideals for which it stands, but Americans as well. For some, it’s become a toxin that has destroyed marriages, families,
friendships, jobs, careers – even their physical health. Stubborn unforgiveness stirs
hateful thoughts deep inside a mind and body that doctors say can increase the risk of
depression and even heart disease or diabetes, among other maladies. But there is a way
out of this condition. Forgiveness.

An online article on the healthy benefits of forgiveness is explored in the Wellness and
Prevention section of the Johns Hopkins Medicine website. It says, “Studies have found
that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health lowering the risk of
heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure
and levels of anxiety, depression and stress.”

I know. It’s easy to hold a grudge. If we’ve been hurt by someone, especially someone
we love or trust, it can cause anger, sadness and confusion, which can lead to vengeance
and even outward hostility. But forgiving is much harder to do, right?

“It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative
feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the
Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. That’s the
trick. For forgiveness to work, it has to be unconditional – a gift of mercy to your
offender whether they ask for it or not. Swartz goes onto say that there’s a surprising
side-effect to forgiveness, as well.
“As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel empathy,
compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you.”
So, if you fall into the category of the unforgiving, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
Unsure as to whether or not there’s unforgiveness in your heart? Here are my Top 5 of
the 14 sure-fire warning signs that may help answer that question, according to blogger
Cylon George at spirituallivingforbusypeople.com:

1. You’re experiencing bursts of anger
2. You’re petty and impulsive
3. You’re desperate to make others understand how you feel
4. You’re keeping a list of offences
5. You replay the scene over and over…and over

If you identify with any of these warning signs, welcome to the club. However, if you’re
willing to give forgiveness a try, I strongly recommend that you check out Mr. George’s
blog site. He offers some very helpful suggestions on how to overcome these emotions.

But getting back to the problem at hand: You may ask how one person’s gift of
forgiveness could make any difference at all in the Big Picture, considering the
unforgiving angst smothering this country today? It’d be a miracle. Well, don’t sell
yourself short. After all, this is the time of year when we’re reminded of one of the
greatest miracles of all. You never know what one simple act of kindness might bring.

Practically speaking, there are other more immediate reasons to forgive. In one sense, the
act of forgiveness actually benefits you, healthwise, as we have already learned. In
another, you’re unloading the heavy burden of an unforgiving attitude that you’ve been
needlessly lugging around for perhaps years. But in the greatest sense of all, notice that
the word forgiveness has the little word “give” in it. Choosing to forgive, gives someone
a gift of freedom from having to pay the price of offending you in the first place. In a
way, your “gift” becomes the cancelation of a debt owed to you. The perfect gift for that
hard to please person this Christmas who has everything…except your forgiveness.

Those of us of a certain faith are reminded of this gifting principle as we reflect on the
“Reason for the Season.” C.S. Lewis said it well: “To be a Christian means to forgive the
inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

Will Thault is a retired Albany businessman whose travels have led him to many memorable adventures.